16 punishments that will keep your SuperCoach mates honest

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SuperCoach NBL Classic Leagues are really only good for two things – bragging when you win and “punishing” mates when they come last.

Ok, there are a few other reasons, but these are the top two.

basketball.com.au has set up its own Public League ahead of NBL27 on Saturday, September 19. The NBL has one too.

But the real action is in the 16-team Head-to-Head Leagues. You and 15 of your mates compete for all the glory and “not glory” all season long.

The internet is bursting with videos of what league losers have had to do for finishing last, mainly public humiliation … that everyone agreed to before the season when their teams looked great on paper.

Here are 16 Ideas for the Last Placed Losers

1. Naming rights. The winner names your team for next season. You cannot change it, and it sits on every leaderboard your mates can see.

‍2. The group chat sentence. Every message you send in the league chat for a month has to end with ", and I finished last".

‍3. Wooden spoon custody. The actual spoon lives on your desk. Visible on every video call, all season.

‍4. Commissioner's dogsbody. You run the league admin all season. Chase members who haven't locked a team, host the round one lock-in night, cook, and keep the prize pool ledger.

‍5. The rival jersey. You wear the kit of the club you hate most to every game you attend until the finals. No jacket over the top.

‍6. Barber's choice. The league votes on the haircut. You don't get a say, and neither does the barber.

‍7. Statue of last. A life-size cardboard cutout of your face lives in the winner's loungeroom until the next grand final.

‍8. The apology tape. Sixty seconds to camera naming the exact trade that cost you the season, posted to your own socials, no editing.

‍9. Bunnings snag shift. A full Saturday morning on the sausage sizzle in an apron the league designs.

‍10. The commute. You are the designated driver to and from every game the group goes to next season – every one.

‍11. Karaoke sentence. The league picks the song, the venue is real, and the crowd is too. Filmed from the front.

‍12. Ballboy for a night. Full kit, courtside, doing whatever the champion asks between quarters.

‍13. The eulogy. You stand up at next season's launch night and deliver a five-minute speech about your own campaign, written entirely by the winner, without reading it first.

‍14. Trade jail. Next season you get half the trades everyone else does. The punishment lands a year late and hurts twice as long.

‍15. The 24-hour servo. The servo shift. Twelve daylight hours in a service station car park. Visitors encouraged, phone stays on you, receipts as proof.

‍16. The mascot. You attend the season opener in the mascot suit of the club the league picks, usually the one you like least, and you stay in character in front of the crowd. Head comes off at every break.

Yes, there is $10,000 for the overall winner of SuperCoach NBL Classic; yes, there is $500 up for grabs for the weekly highest score, but bragging rights and one of the 16 ideas above – priceless.

Start a league today, invite your mates – plan the punishment.

How SuperCoach NBL Leagues Work

Public head-to-head

• The default. Unless you join by invitation, you are auto-added to one.
• Always head-to-head, and always auto-fills to 16 teams.
• You cannot invite anyone to it. You get who you get.
• Starts in Round 2, with each team playing every other team once through to Round 16.
• Ranked on win-loss, then percentage or total points.

Private head-to-head

• Administrator-run. Whoever creates it chooses the format and invites anyone they like.
• The admin can also add available Experts and remove teams right up until the league is finalised.
• A 16-team private league starts in Round 2, each team playing every other once.
• An 8-team private league starts in Round 3, and everyone plays everyone twice, through to Round 16.

Custom head-to-head

• A private league with unlocked settings. This is the one for a group that wants it their way.
• Six to 20 teams.
• You choose the starting round, the finals format (Top 5, 6 or 8), whether you play through byes, and the ladder tiebreak.

Open

• No fixture at all. No size limit either.
• Ranked purely on total points, so nobody gets knocked out by a bad draw.
• The format for a big group, a workplace, or anyone who does not want to manage a ladder.

The rankings you are in, whether you like it or not.

• Every coach is also ranked against all of Australia, against their own state, and against fellow club supporters.
• State and club tables rank on the average score of entrants, not the total, so a club with more coaches gets no free advantage.
• These are rankings rather than leagues. You don't join them, and you cannot leave them.